Beginning This Journey

Just over a week ago, my mom came to live with my husband and I. She is 85 years old, and she has Alzheimer's Disease. She has been living with my brother for almost 2 years already. Several years agao, we noticed that she was having a lot more difficulty with remembering things. Being the baby of the family, I was very sad and surprised the first time she forgot my birthday.

Things got worse from there. Once when she was at my house, and we were looking at pictures, she thought I was her youngest sister Mattie. I told her that I was her daughter, and she realized her mistake. This was really about the time we began to notice that something was wrong.

She decided to go and live with my brother and his wife when we (and she) thought that she could no longer live by herself. Over the past 2 years, she has continued to lose more and more of who she "really" is. She has reached the point that she needs help for everyday personal things....such as going to the bathroom, showering, getting dressed. My brother and I knew that when she got to that point that she would need to come and live with me. Being a male, and her son, he knew that he would not be able to take care of the needs she now has. I finally got that call, the one we both knew would eventually come, and she is now living here with me.

It's so strange, because at times, she is as sweet as she ever was. She will very willingly allow me to help her. She will tell me she loves me, and that she appreciates all that I do for her. Then....at other times she will swear and cuss....accusing us of taking something that belongs to her (when she has either hidden it or moved it herself). These times are hard, because this person is not the mother that I have known all my life. My mother was a Christian who loved to go to church and I never heard a curse word come out of her mouth...ever.

One of the frustrating parts of this disease (and there are many!) is that you cannot reason with them. You cannot try to explain why they shouldn't act a certain way, or talk a certain way. You can't explain that you have not taken something that belongs to them. Their brain is unable to reason and understand. Lately she has been obsessed with her shoes.

The other night as my husband and I were going to bed, we found her pink jacket folded and hidden under his pillow. Unfortunately, I didn't noticed her shoes, hidden at the end of our bed. At 6 a.m. the next morning, she was awake, and making a lot of noise going through everything in her room. She was angry...already. I finally figured out that she was looking for her shoes, and I found them just where she had hidden them. But by that time, she had gotten so upset that there was no calming her down at all. Even with her shoes on her feet, she continued to look for....something. I now try to always make sure her shoes are right beside her bed so that she will see them the first thing as she gets up.

I have always been very close to my mother. She was always a gentle, loving, sweet woman. Her children were her life. I heard her say that so many times "My children are my life". And she meant it too. She had a rough life, being married to my father. He was as opposite to her as anyone could be....gruff, loud, obnoxious, alcholic, swore constantly, crude....but they stayed together for 52 years because she did not believe in divorce...no matter what.

This blog will chronicle the last journey that my mom and I will take together....at least in this life. As a Christian, I know that one day I will see "her" again....the "real" person. The one that is slowly slipping away from us. I just need to learn to embrace and cherish those rare occasions when I am blessed to have my mother here with me...even for a moment.