HAZEL GRACE HOLDEN
Hazel Grace Holden, 85, a longtime Pensacola resident, died in Burlington, Washington July 18. She was preceded in death by her husband of 53 years, Dan Pat "Pappy" Holden and by her daughter Merlea Verlaan. Survivors include children Dan Holden (Beverly), Gary Holden, Patricia Gaines (John), seven grandchildren, and seven great-grandchildren. She was a faithful Christian with many church friends.A memorial service will be held at Leonard Street Church of Christ, Wednesday July 29 at 11 a.m. with John Gaines officiating.The family extends special thanks to Skagit Hospice in Mount Vernon, WA for their excellent care.
July 28, 2009
Hazel- A wonderful, sweet lady with a beautiful smile. Alway remember your Mom with laughter and love. "Memories are wonderful"
~
Darlene & Joe Renne,
Pensacola, Florida
July 28, 2009
Trish, John and family,We are saddened to learn of the loss of your mother. Our deepest sympathy. We will keep you in our prayers.
~
Myron and Louise Brazwell,
Athens, Alabama
July 28, 2009
Pat, Gary and Family,Your mother will be missed by all the people whose lives she touched. She will be in my heart always. Your family is forever in my thoughts.
~
Donna Jacobs,
Pensacola, Florida
Contact Me
July 28, 2009
My Dearest Pat and family, I am truly sorry for your loss. Your Mom was a very special & sweet person. I am very pleased to have known her. We haven't been in touch for awhile. But I have thought of you often. If there is anything I can do please contact me. Love to you,Evelyn (McCall) Majors
Thursday, August 6, 2009
I Miss You Mom
When I began this blog, I certainly didn't expect that it would be so short. I knew Mom was very ill with Alzheimer's....and it was evident that she was so unhappy at times. She knew that something was not right....that her memory was going....and almost completely gone. At the end of her life, there were very few moments of clarity. Oh, she would remember people....her loved ones....her family....but she just couldn't seem to remember how they all fit together.
All her life, my Mom's family was her life. She loved her brother and sisters, her mother and father, her husband, and her children. And at the end of her life, she didn't stop loving them or asking for them....but she was just confused about just who they were and just how they fit into her life. But she never forgot them...and never stopped loving them.
The last few days of her life she spoke often of her mother....and her daddy. Her mother died when my Mom was 12 years old...yet she asked if I had seen her "mama". She also asked about my sister Merlea....her daughter...who died of cancer in 2000. When she asked where Merlea was, I just told her that Merlea wasn't here right now. She seemed to accept that. So...in some ways...even the memory loss was a bit of a blessing.
I can't sit here and write down what my Mom meant to me....to my life. It's not possible. She was the most influential person in my life. She was the most loving and kind person I have ever known. She loved the Lord, and tried to live a Christian life. Her life was hard, yet you wouldn't know it. She made choices and decisions....not based selfishly on herself....but on what was best for her family....her children.
She taught all four of her children about God...and she lived her life in a way that showed the love of God through her towards others. She was the example that anyone would want to follow if they wanted to be kind and good and gentle....and who wanted to get to heaven at the end of her life. She knew she was dying...and she was ready to go. She had lived a long life...and knew that what lay ahead was going to be so much better than anything she could ever even imagine.
So today, I write this, with tears in my eyes, and sorrow in my heart. I miss her so much. Yet...on an intellectual level I know that she is better off right now. She's not suffering in any way....there is only peace and joy and love where she is at this very moment. But...I still feel the loss of knowing that she is gone....that I cannot see her, or hear her voice, or hug her again. She is gone. And I miss her so much.
I like to think of her today...in a wonderful place...and that as the angels came to carry her soul across the River Jordon into the arms of Abraham's bosom....that she saw her own mother standing there to welcome her into her eternal joy.
And one day...and no one knows how long their life will be here on this earth....I hope to take that same journey.
And I will look for her there.
All her life, my Mom's family was her life. She loved her brother and sisters, her mother and father, her husband, and her children. And at the end of her life, she didn't stop loving them or asking for them....but she was just confused about just who they were and just how they fit into her life. But she never forgot them...and never stopped loving them.
The last few days of her life she spoke often of her mother....and her daddy. Her mother died when my Mom was 12 years old...yet she asked if I had seen her "mama". She also asked about my sister Merlea....her daughter...who died of cancer in 2000. When she asked where Merlea was, I just told her that Merlea wasn't here right now. She seemed to accept that. So...in some ways...even the memory loss was a bit of a blessing.
I can't sit here and write down what my Mom meant to me....to my life. It's not possible. She was the most influential person in my life. She was the most loving and kind person I have ever known. She loved the Lord, and tried to live a Christian life. Her life was hard, yet you wouldn't know it. She made choices and decisions....not based selfishly on herself....but on what was best for her family....her children.
She taught all four of her children about God...and she lived her life in a way that showed the love of God through her towards others. She was the example that anyone would want to follow if they wanted to be kind and good and gentle....and who wanted to get to heaven at the end of her life. She knew she was dying...and she was ready to go. She had lived a long life...and knew that what lay ahead was going to be so much better than anything she could ever even imagine.
So today, I write this, with tears in my eyes, and sorrow in my heart. I miss her so much. Yet...on an intellectual level I know that she is better off right now. She's not suffering in any way....there is only peace and joy and love where she is at this very moment. But...I still feel the loss of knowing that she is gone....that I cannot see her, or hear her voice, or hug her again. She is gone. And I miss her so much.
I like to think of her today...in a wonderful place...and that as the angels came to carry her soul across the River Jordon into the arms of Abraham's bosom....that she saw her own mother standing there to welcome her into her eternal joy.
And one day...and no one knows how long their life will be here on this earth....I hope to take that same journey.
And I will look for her there.
Mom's Obituary By John Gaines
HAZEL HOLDEN July 29, 2009
SONGS
OBITUARY
Born March 2, 1924 in Glenrose, Texas. Died July 18, 2009 in Burlington, Washington. She lived in Pensacola from 1957 until 2006 so it is appropriate that she has come back for her final resting place in the city where she lived for the majority of her life.
Preceded in death by her parents, Perry Marvin Brunson and Iva Geoa Green Brunson, as well as her husband Dan Pat Holden and daughter Hazel Merlea Verlaan.
Survived by two sons and one daughter, Dan Holden, Gary Holden, and Patricia Gaines, seven grandchildren, and seven great-grandchildren. She is also survived by one brother, Marvin Brunson, and three sisters – Bonnie Ford, Fay Pons, and Mattie Green.
PRAYER
SONG
REMARKS
1. It is an honor for me to speak about Hazel. I have spoken at a great many funerals during my years as a preacher, but this is just the second one for a close family member. Hazel was my mother-in-law, but with her you throw all the mother-in-law jokes out the window. She did not fit the stereotype in any form or fashion. She was sweet, kind, and encouraging. Near the end of her life, the dementia which had afflicted her brain sometimes robbed her of some of her sweet self and brought out some things which were not part of her true personality. Even then, that was only sometimes, when she had grown agitated or frustrated about something. There were still many times when the essential Hazel shined through the fog. Up until the last few days of her life, I could enter the room where she was and speak to her. She would look at me with the old twinkle in her eye and give me one of her trademark grins. It is those experiences with moments of clarity in her that make Trish and me so thankful to have had Hazel with us in our home the last two months of her life.
One of those moments occurred in what turned out to be the last real conversation Trish had with her mother. About three days before she died, Trish found her mother awake and alert. She often tested Hazel’s perception by asking her who she was talking to. The answers varied, but this time she answered matter-of-factly, “You’re my daughter.” Her tone suggested that she thought it quite odd to be asked such a question. Just a few moments later, Hazel asked, “You know I’m dying, don’t you?” Choking back the tears, Trish said “yes,” then asked her mother if she were ready to go. Clearly and unmistakeably, Hazel answered, “Yes, I’m ready.”
2. When you think about people standing on the brink of eternity, they may have any of several different attitudes. Some are uncertain and apprehensive. Some may be scornful of the idea that life after death even exists at all. But some are able to look ahead with confidence and conviction that all is well with their souls. Like the apostle Paul, they can say “But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me” (2 Timothy 1:12 ESV).
Some who think they are saved may turn out to have a misplaced hope. Jesus taught that in the Sermon on the Mount when he said, Matthew 7:21-23 ESV "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' 23 And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.' This passage tells us that there will be some hard-working religious people who will be lost.
When someone stands on the brink of the chasm of death and says, “I’m ready to cross over,” how can we ever know whether that hope is well-placed? Can we know that a loved one was truly ready to go?
The answer is absolutely yes. Listen again to what Jesus said in Matthew 7:21. How did He answer the question of who will enter the kingdom of heaven? First, the negative – “not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord.” Some will call Him Lord, but will be told, “depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.” But Jesus didn’t leave his answer at that. He told us who will be entering the kingdom of heaven – “the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” 1 John 2:3 speaks to this same question. The Apostle John wrote by inspiration, “And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments.”
A warning is appropriate here lest we jump to another mistaken conclusion. The New Testament is clear in its teaching that we have to keep Christ’s commandments to be saved [John 14:15 ESV "If you love me, you will keep my commandments”]. However, it does not teach that we shall be saved by our ability to keep the law. Grace is necessary. Righteousness is a gift [Romans 5:17, “For if, because of one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.” So, we aren’t going to work our way into heaven apart from Jesus Christ and his gift of himself on the cross. But neither are we going to be welcomed into an eternity with the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ without having submitted ourselves to his will that is revealed to us in the gospel.
3. The life that Hazel Grace Holden lived speaks for itself. She was twelve years ago when her mother died in 1936. Two years later, only weeks after she turned 14, Hazel married 27 year old Dan Pat Holden. Life was often an economic struggle for Pat and Hazel. But their family was blessed by two daughters and two sons, before they relocated to Pensacola in 1957. Hard work, including often working on Sundays, kept Hazel from attending church much during her youth and middle age years, but sometime in the early 1980s, her sister Bonnie visited from North Carolina. Four-and-a-half years younger than Hazel, Bonnie had benefited from the influence of Christian grandparents during her formative years. So Bonnie was an active member of the church when she visited Pensacola some 25 or more years ago. She wanted to go to worship that Sunday and invited Hazel to go with her. She also asked her where the closest Church of Christ was located. Hazel had sometimes listened to a radio program that the Leonard Street church hosted during that time. The name “Leonard Street Church of Christ” came to her mind when Bonnie asked about a congregation. They located the address and attended church together here in this building that Sunday.
Hazel was made to feel welcome, and she kept coming. In a short time, she learned that she need to be baptized for the forgiveness of her sins, and she was ready to obey the Lord’s commandment. She continued to study and to attend worship regularly. Hazel never learned to drive so she had to depend on others for a ride. When no rides were available, she sometimes walked from their apartment in the Pensacola Retirement Village over near Baptist Hospital to the building here.
She wasn’t satisfied with the fact that she had changed the direction of her own life. She wanted to influence others, just as her sister Bonnie had influenced her. Her efforts were most productive with her youngest daughter, who lived in faraway Washington State. Patricia (as Hazel always called her) took a Bible Correspondence Course that Hazel mailed to her and read tracts that Hazel sent from time to time, but nothing much happened until Trish moved back home to Pensacola in 1999.
Trish had been attending an Assembly of God in Washington and had heard about the big revival then going on in Brownsville. She was anxious to attend and naturally assumed that her church-going mother would be excited to go with her. What a surprise she had when Hazel told her flatly, “No!” She wasn’t going. Trish quickly figured out that if she was going to be able to go to church with her mother, then it was going to be at Leonard Street. So Trish started attending regularly with her mother and was herself baptized in October of that year. Personally, I am kinda glad things turned out that way!
But my point is that Hazel’s faith and her obedience to Christ were extremely important to her. She had obeyed the gospel and she tried to use her influence the best she could to influence others to do the same thing. She was not assertive or flashy, but in her quiet way, she exemplified the spirit of a genuine disciple. It almost seems that Paul might have had Hazel . . . or a first-century counterpart . . . in mind when he wrote in 1 Timothy 2:9-10, “likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness--with good works. Hazel was without doubt a beautiful woman. As some of the pictures displayed earlier show, she had physical beauty – especially in her younger years. However, she was filled with inner beauty. 1 Peter 3:4 says, “let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
4. Thinking back about the life Hazel Holden lived gives us good reason to be thankful for her. Hazel’s victory has been secured. Her journey through this life is over. All we can do for her now is to honor her memory and treasure some good memories. But there is something that we can do for ourselves. Hazel’s life ought to give us motivation to examine our lives and to prepare ourselves to be in the same state of readiness that she was. To be able to know that death is near at hand and say without qualm or qualification, “I know I am dying, and I am ready to go,” is what Christian living is all about. Please examine yourselves and your own standing with the Lord.
SONGS
OBITUARY
Born March 2, 1924 in Glenrose, Texas. Died July 18, 2009 in Burlington, Washington. She lived in Pensacola from 1957 until 2006 so it is appropriate that she has come back for her final resting place in the city where she lived for the majority of her life.
Preceded in death by her parents, Perry Marvin Brunson and Iva Geoa Green Brunson, as well as her husband Dan Pat Holden and daughter Hazel Merlea Verlaan.
Survived by two sons and one daughter, Dan Holden, Gary Holden, and Patricia Gaines, seven grandchildren, and seven great-grandchildren. She is also survived by one brother, Marvin Brunson, and three sisters – Bonnie Ford, Fay Pons, and Mattie Green.
PRAYER
SONG
REMARKS
1. It is an honor for me to speak about Hazel. I have spoken at a great many funerals during my years as a preacher, but this is just the second one for a close family member. Hazel was my mother-in-law, but with her you throw all the mother-in-law jokes out the window. She did not fit the stereotype in any form or fashion. She was sweet, kind, and encouraging. Near the end of her life, the dementia which had afflicted her brain sometimes robbed her of some of her sweet self and brought out some things which were not part of her true personality. Even then, that was only sometimes, when she had grown agitated or frustrated about something. There were still many times when the essential Hazel shined through the fog. Up until the last few days of her life, I could enter the room where she was and speak to her. She would look at me with the old twinkle in her eye and give me one of her trademark grins. It is those experiences with moments of clarity in her that make Trish and me so thankful to have had Hazel with us in our home the last two months of her life.
One of those moments occurred in what turned out to be the last real conversation Trish had with her mother. About three days before she died, Trish found her mother awake and alert. She often tested Hazel’s perception by asking her who she was talking to. The answers varied, but this time she answered matter-of-factly, “You’re my daughter.” Her tone suggested that she thought it quite odd to be asked such a question. Just a few moments later, Hazel asked, “You know I’m dying, don’t you?” Choking back the tears, Trish said “yes,” then asked her mother if she were ready to go. Clearly and unmistakeably, Hazel answered, “Yes, I’m ready.”
2. When you think about people standing on the brink of eternity, they may have any of several different attitudes. Some are uncertain and apprehensive. Some may be scornful of the idea that life after death even exists at all. But some are able to look ahead with confidence and conviction that all is well with their souls. Like the apostle Paul, they can say “But I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed, and I am convinced that he is able to guard until that Day what has been entrusted to me” (2 Timothy 1:12 ESV).
Some who think they are saved may turn out to have a misplaced hope. Jesus taught that in the Sermon on the Mount when he said, Matthew 7:21-23 ESV "Not everyone who says to me, 'Lord, Lord,' will enter the kingdom of heaven, but the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 22 On that day many will say to me, 'Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name, and cast out demons in your name, and do many mighty works in your name?' 23 And then will I declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.' This passage tells us that there will be some hard-working religious people who will be lost.
When someone stands on the brink of the chasm of death and says, “I’m ready to cross over,” how can we ever know whether that hope is well-placed? Can we know that a loved one was truly ready to go?
The answer is absolutely yes. Listen again to what Jesus said in Matthew 7:21. How did He answer the question of who will enter the kingdom of heaven? First, the negative – “not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord.” Some will call Him Lord, but will be told, “depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.” But Jesus didn’t leave his answer at that. He told us who will be entering the kingdom of heaven – “the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven.” 1 John 2:3 speaks to this same question. The Apostle John wrote by inspiration, “And by this we know that we have come to know him, if we keep his commandments.”
A warning is appropriate here lest we jump to another mistaken conclusion. The New Testament is clear in its teaching that we have to keep Christ’s commandments to be saved [John 14:15 ESV "If you love me, you will keep my commandments”]. However, it does not teach that we shall be saved by our ability to keep the law. Grace is necessary. Righteousness is a gift [Romans 5:17, “For if, because of one man's trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ.” So, we aren’t going to work our way into heaven apart from Jesus Christ and his gift of himself on the cross. But neither are we going to be welcomed into an eternity with the Father and His Son, Jesus Christ without having submitted ourselves to his will that is revealed to us in the gospel.
3. The life that Hazel Grace Holden lived speaks for itself. She was twelve years ago when her mother died in 1936. Two years later, only weeks after she turned 14, Hazel married 27 year old Dan Pat Holden. Life was often an economic struggle for Pat and Hazel. But their family was blessed by two daughters and two sons, before they relocated to Pensacola in 1957. Hard work, including often working on Sundays, kept Hazel from attending church much during her youth and middle age years, but sometime in the early 1980s, her sister Bonnie visited from North Carolina. Four-and-a-half years younger than Hazel, Bonnie had benefited from the influence of Christian grandparents during her formative years. So Bonnie was an active member of the church when she visited Pensacola some 25 or more years ago. She wanted to go to worship that Sunday and invited Hazel to go with her. She also asked her where the closest Church of Christ was located. Hazel had sometimes listened to a radio program that the Leonard Street church hosted during that time. The name “Leonard Street Church of Christ” came to her mind when Bonnie asked about a congregation. They located the address and attended church together here in this building that Sunday.
Hazel was made to feel welcome, and she kept coming. In a short time, she learned that she need to be baptized for the forgiveness of her sins, and she was ready to obey the Lord’s commandment. She continued to study and to attend worship regularly. Hazel never learned to drive so she had to depend on others for a ride. When no rides were available, she sometimes walked from their apartment in the Pensacola Retirement Village over near Baptist Hospital to the building here.
She wasn’t satisfied with the fact that she had changed the direction of her own life. She wanted to influence others, just as her sister Bonnie had influenced her. Her efforts were most productive with her youngest daughter, who lived in faraway Washington State. Patricia (as Hazel always called her) took a Bible Correspondence Course that Hazel mailed to her and read tracts that Hazel sent from time to time, but nothing much happened until Trish moved back home to Pensacola in 1999.
Trish had been attending an Assembly of God in Washington and had heard about the big revival then going on in Brownsville. She was anxious to attend and naturally assumed that her church-going mother would be excited to go with her. What a surprise she had when Hazel told her flatly, “No!” She wasn’t going. Trish quickly figured out that if she was going to be able to go to church with her mother, then it was going to be at Leonard Street. So Trish started attending regularly with her mother and was herself baptized in October of that year. Personally, I am kinda glad things turned out that way!
But my point is that Hazel’s faith and her obedience to Christ were extremely important to her. She had obeyed the gospel and she tried to use her influence the best she could to influence others to do the same thing. She was not assertive or flashy, but in her quiet way, she exemplified the spirit of a genuine disciple. It almost seems that Paul might have had Hazel . . . or a first-century counterpart . . . in mind when he wrote in 1 Timothy 2:9-10, “likewise also that women should adorn themselves in respectable apparel, with modesty and self-control, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly attire, 10 but with what is proper for women who profess godliness--with good works. Hazel was without doubt a beautiful woman. As some of the pictures displayed earlier show, she had physical beauty – especially in her younger years. However, she was filled with inner beauty. 1 Peter 3:4 says, “let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious.
4. Thinking back about the life Hazel Holden lived gives us good reason to be thankful for her. Hazel’s victory has been secured. Her journey through this life is over. All we can do for her now is to honor her memory and treasure some good memories. But there is something that we can do for ourselves. Hazel’s life ought to give us motivation to examine our lives and to prepare ourselves to be in the same state of readiness that she was. To be able to know that death is near at hand and say without qualm or qualification, “I know I am dying, and I am ready to go,” is what Christian living is all about. Please examine yourselves and your own standing with the Lord.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
July 15, 2009
Mom had a pretty good night last night. I gave her some of the medicine for pain at about 9p.m. She slept well for a while, but was restless and awake at about 3 a.m. I gave her something for anxiety then. Once again she went back to sleep and slept til about 6 a.m. That's when I gave her another dose of the pain medicine. It seems to be keeping her pretty comfortable. She's still refusing to eat more than a couple of bites of anything...and will only take sips of water at times.
She wanted to get up in the recliner for a little while. I think she gets tired of being in the bed. Although she's very weak, I put the recliner close to the bed so all she needed to do was basically stand a turn a little bit to sit. She's resting comfortably in the chair now. I keep offering her something to eat, but thus far she will only take a bite or two and that's all. She's occasionally thirsty and likes just plain water to drink. But...again...she's not taking in very much.
She's comfortable....and not worried or anxious...and that's the goal at this point.
Tuesday, July 14, 2009
July 14, 2009
This picture is so sweet. Mom has been through so much, and feeling so bad, but she managed a smile for me!
Yes, it's been an eventful few days. She went to the emergency room on Thursday (today is Tuesday). They admitted her for multiple reasons: chronic diarrhea due to C-diff infection, colitis, UTI, dehydration. She was feeling so horrible. She stayed in the hospital until yesterday. They were giving her IV fluids and antibiotics for the infections and dehydration.
She was discharged yesterday under Hospice care. We have a hospital bed, a bedside commode and a wheelchair in the home now for her. Man I tell you, that bed had been such a blessing. I think she really likes it too because we can keep the head of her bed up at times.
The nurse that came out today was great. They got some medicine in the home for me to give and she's all taken care of.
I just wish she would eat...or drink. She's only eating a couple of bites of yogurt, and a few sips of chocolate carnation instant breakfast. Plus sipping on water throughout the day. Not much mind you.
Tonight she told me she was dying. I asked her if she was ready and she said yes. I tell you, I had to go into the other room for a few minutes. I don't want to cry in front of her. I told her that she was going to go to heaven and that everything would be okay. I told her I would miss her.
And I will miss her....so very much....when that time comes.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Wednesday July8, 2009
Mom is having a very rough time right now. She had the CT scan done on Monday, which revealed that she has Collitis. I have been giving her Citrucel (she hates it!) and Activia (she likes the strawberry) to help get her bacteria balanced out. Don't ask me how all this happened...and of course...it's a very bad thing for her. She is still very weak from having the problem for a couple of weeks. I gave her pedialite, and tried to keep fluids down her, but she still lost a lot of weight (about 10 lbs)...so now she is just very, very weak and needs to regain her strength.
She wasn't able to walk to the bathroom this morning, so I had to use her walker (it's one of those that she can sit down on if she gets tired) to get her in there. She's so fragile, I'm afraid for her to fall...and I know how easily she can be bruised if I have to grab on to her should she start to fall.
She did eat a good breakfast for me this morning...yogurt (activia), oatmeal, and 1/2 banana. She also drank her citrucil. But...as you can see from the pictures...she just went back to sleep on the couch. She's very listless and weak.
I hope she can pull out of this. I don't know...
Thursday, July 2, 2009
July 2nd, 2009
The past couple of weeks have been difficult. Mom has had a bit of a rough time of it. We went to the Dr. yesterday. She lost 10 lbs over this last month!! She is still complaining of having abdominal pain, so on Monday she is going to have a CT scan of her abdomen to see if there's anything going on.
The Dr. also made some med changes: Her lasix was decreased to 20 mg from 40, Potassium was dc'd, Trental was dc'd. The only meds she's on now are Lasix and Lisinopril on M-W-F, and the Trazadone and Ranitidine at bedtime. Also got an order for something that I can give her when she has anxiety and agitation. I'd rather just give her something when she needs it, rather than give her something that will make her into a zombie and take away whatever personality or memory she has left. I guess they have to try them though.
Not to mention the cost. I don't know how elderly pay for their medicine, because they are on a fixed income. The two meds we tried cost $140. and $170. each...and she can't even take them. Pretty crazy I tell you.
I now have a POA for Mom, but still need to get the medical POA. Will update after Monday when we get the results of the CT scan.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
This Is Hard
Wow...I never imagined how hard this could be. To be the parent to your parent....just the thought is kind of mind boggling. The last couple of weeks have been a real challenge. We had an appointment with her doctor...but...unfortunately...things have not been magically made perfect. In fact, if anything, things have become even worse.
I'm not doctor, but I don't understand the concept of putting a frail, 100 lb woman on some sort of psytrophic/psychotic drug (even at a low dose) in order to control her agitation and aggression. I guess that worked, but the trade off is very definately not worth it. You end up with an adult baby who is in danger of falling and breaking one of her brittle bones every time she may be able to get up without assistance. It just takes away everything/all that the person is or has left of themselves. Just awful.
Not to mention all the physical problems associated. The constant diarrhea (at least in this case). Now, to the young and very old, that is an extremely scary thing. Doesn't take long to become dehydrated and to get all the vital electrolytes off kilter. And....what do you do...if she's having diarrhea...do you still give the lasix and potassium??? She's already losing too much fluids as it is. Pretty scary situation.
We stopped this particular drug (Resperidone O..25 mg) because that was the change made before all this started. Her Trazadone was increased to 100 mg at bedtime, which I think was definately a good thing. Before the increase, she would go to sleep readily afte taking the medicine, but would be awake again after a couple of hours. And...she wasn't waking up on the "right" side of the bed, if you know what I mean. So, after that increase, she slept through the night (which means I got to sleep too...yay!)
After stopping the Resperidone, the doc has now put her on Seroquel, which is an antidepressant (?) and used to treat bipolar disease. It cost 170-something dollars for a month's supply, but we went ahead and got it anyway to see if it would work for her. Unfortunately, the diarrhea has not ceased! She's been drinking Pedialite pretty well, and I'm trying to give her lots of fluids. She's eating about half a banana every morning (I have to cut it up and feed it to her). Since she's been here, she is rarely feeding herself (will occasionally pick up the fork, but not often). She's so weak, unsteady (of course, was that a bit anyway).
That's another pet peeve of mine. They want her to take Aricept at a cost of $300. a month, and the Seroquel is $170...not to mention her other meds (which aren't that many, and she's been taking them for a while now). Also, they are generic and don't have the big price tag either. She only gets social security and that's it. If she were to buy the drugs they want her to take, then she would only have a little over $100. a month for getting attends, Boost...and all other personal things that she needs. Thank goodness she doesn't have any bills, because how in the world would she be able to make it?? It's not the money....if she had it...and I knew they would help her quality of life...then I wouldn't mind paying it...but that's just not the case. Her quality of life is definately not better. If anything...it's worse.
I have suggested either Ativan or Xanax...just something that I can give her when she gets wound up and agitated and aggressive. The rest of the time I would rather see her still being able to feed herself, to go to the bathroom (or at least be able to let me know she needs to go and needs help). For some reason they don't want to do that. I have no idea why.
We go back in a couple of week. In the meantime, as of today, we are going to start back at ground zero. I'm only going to give her what she was taking when she got here. Yes, she's gonna be a pill, and be agitated and sometimes downright mean...but...I fear that the diarrhea is going to kill her off anyway if it doesn't cease. I have given her a bit of Imodium, but it hasn't seemed to help much.
So...we struggle to come to some sort of balance. I want to care for her in the best way that I know how. It's sad...because I know that she won't ever get better...but will very definately be getting worse...much worse. But if I can make her final time here on earth a happy one, then I want to do that for her.
No matter what.
I'm not doctor, but I don't understand the concept of putting a frail, 100 lb woman on some sort of psytrophic/psychotic drug (even at a low dose) in order to control her agitation and aggression. I guess that worked, but the trade off is very definately not worth it. You end up with an adult baby who is in danger of falling and breaking one of her brittle bones every time she may be able to get up without assistance. It just takes away everything/all that the person is or has left of themselves. Just awful.
Not to mention all the physical problems associated. The constant diarrhea (at least in this case). Now, to the young and very old, that is an extremely scary thing. Doesn't take long to become dehydrated and to get all the vital electrolytes off kilter. And....what do you do...if she's having diarrhea...do you still give the lasix and potassium??? She's already losing too much fluids as it is. Pretty scary situation.
We stopped this particular drug (Resperidone O..25 mg) because that was the change made before all this started. Her Trazadone was increased to 100 mg at bedtime, which I think was definately a good thing. Before the increase, she would go to sleep readily afte taking the medicine, but would be awake again after a couple of hours. And...she wasn't waking up on the "right" side of the bed, if you know what I mean. So, after that increase, she slept through the night (which means I got to sleep too...yay!)
After stopping the Resperidone, the doc has now put her on Seroquel, which is an antidepressant (?) and used to treat bipolar disease. It cost 170-something dollars for a month's supply, but we went ahead and got it anyway to see if it would work for her. Unfortunately, the diarrhea has not ceased! She's been drinking Pedialite pretty well, and I'm trying to give her lots of fluids. She's eating about half a banana every morning (I have to cut it up and feed it to her). Since she's been here, she is rarely feeding herself (will occasionally pick up the fork, but not often). She's so weak, unsteady (of course, was that a bit anyway).
That's another pet peeve of mine. They want her to take Aricept at a cost of $300. a month, and the Seroquel is $170...not to mention her other meds (which aren't that many, and she's been taking them for a while now). Also, they are generic and don't have the big price tag either. She only gets social security and that's it. If she were to buy the drugs they want her to take, then she would only have a little over $100. a month for getting attends, Boost...and all other personal things that she needs. Thank goodness she doesn't have any bills, because how in the world would she be able to make it?? It's not the money....if she had it...and I knew they would help her quality of life...then I wouldn't mind paying it...but that's just not the case. Her quality of life is definately not better. If anything...it's worse.
I have suggested either Ativan or Xanax...just something that I can give her when she gets wound up and agitated and aggressive. The rest of the time I would rather see her still being able to feed herself, to go to the bathroom (or at least be able to let me know she needs to go and needs help). For some reason they don't want to do that. I have no idea why.
We go back in a couple of week. In the meantime, as of today, we are going to start back at ground zero. I'm only going to give her what she was taking when she got here. Yes, she's gonna be a pill, and be agitated and sometimes downright mean...but...I fear that the diarrhea is going to kill her off anyway if it doesn't cease. I have given her a bit of Imodium, but it hasn't seemed to help much.
So...we struggle to come to some sort of balance. I want to care for her in the best way that I know how. It's sad...because I know that she won't ever get better...but will very definately be getting worse...much worse. But if I can make her final time here on earth a happy one, then I want to do that for her.
No matter what.
Saturday, June 6, 2009
Church For The First Time
The past week has been a busy one! Mom did go to church last Sunday...both Sunday morning and evening. She had a good day.
Her doctor's appointment was on Tuesday and they changed her medicine a bit...started her on Resperidone 0.25 mg and increased her Trazadone to 100 mg from 50 mg. I guess it will take a while to be able to see what effect this change will make.
Doesn't she look so nice???
Saturday, May 30, 2009
A Great Day
On Saturdays, Mom and I have gotten into a bit of a routine. It's shower day (she doesn't really like shower days anyway)....but I also wash her hair and then put it up in rollers. The hope is that soon she will be doing well enough to go to church....and I want her hair to look as nice as I can make it anyway.
Mom had a really good day today. Never once did she exhibit any agitation or anger. I think this is the first day that she has not done so. She seemed happy, and was even looking at pictures of John's and my wedding. She didn't really know who anyone was...except herself...and John.I like it when she is happy and seems contented. We have her doctor's appointment on Tuesday, so I am hoping that they will look at her meds and see if they can change them in a way that she is content and happy all the time!
Thursday, May 28, 2009
The Faces Of Alzheimers
This morning started kind of early. Mom woke up about 6 a.m. and there was just no way to get her to go back to bed to stay. I did manage to get her to lay back down, but I could hear her moving about in her room ( I have a baby monitor that I use). After about 20 minutes or so, I was resigned to the fact that sleep for the night was over. I went in her room and...in that approximate 20 minutes... she had managed to put her sweater on, but it was underneath her gown and robe. She had tried to put on her bra by putting her legs through the straps and trying to pull it up. I know that she was trying to dress herself....such a simple thing that she had done for almost her entire life.She seemed to be in a good mood much of the day....but this afternoon her mood darkened considerably. Suddenly we transform from being someone that she loves and wants to be with to someone that is her enemy. If I only knew what caused her brain to switch so dramatically...and so suddenly....then of course I would do whatever I could to keep it from happening. But...again...of course... there is no secret. There is no sense or order to any of it. Her mind...her reality...is whatever it happens to be at the moment. In the dark moments, I always try to remember that she won't remember the things that she is saying, or the way that she is acting....and that is the blessing of it all.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Beginning This Journey
Just over a week ago, my mom came to live with my husband and I. She is 85 years old, and she has Alzheimer's Disease. She has been living with my brother for almost 2 years already. Several years agao, we noticed that she was having a lot more difficulty with remembering things. Being the baby of the family, I was very sad and surprised the first time she forgot my birthday.Things got worse from there. Once when she was at my house, and we were looking at pictures, she thought I was her youngest sister Mattie. I told her that I was her daughter, and she realized her mistake. This was really about the time we began to notice that something was wrong.
She decided to go and live with my brother and his wife when we (and she) thought that she could no longer live by herself. Over the past 2 years, she has continued to lose more and more of who she "really" is. She has reached the point that she needs help for everyday personal things....such as going to the bathroom, showering, getting dressed. My brother and I knew that when she got to that point that she would need to come and live with me. Being a male, and her son, he knew that he would not be able to take care of the needs she now has. I finally got that call, the one we both knew would eventually come, and she is now living here with me.
It's so strange, because at times, she is as sweet as she ever was. She will very willingly allow me to help her. She will tell me she loves me, and that she appreciates all that I do for her. Then....at other times she will swear and cuss....accusing us of taking something that belongs to her (when she has either hidden it or moved it herself). These times are hard, because this person is not the mother that I have known all my life. My mother was a Christian who loved to go to church and I never heard a curse word come out of her mouth...ever.
One of the frustrating parts of this disease (and there are many!) is that you cannot reason with them. You cannot try to explain why they shouldn't act a certain way, or talk a certain way. You can't explain that you have not taken something that belongs to them. Their brain is unable to reason and understand. Lately she has been obsessed with her shoes.
The other night as my husband and I were going to bed, we found her pink jacket folded and hidden under his pillow. Unfortunately, I didn't noticed her shoes, hidden at the end of our bed. At 6 a.m. the next morning, she was awake, and making a lot of noise going through everything in her room. She was angry...already. I finally figured out that she was looking for her shoes, and I found them just where she had hidden them. But by that time, she had gotten so upset that there was no calming her down at all. Even with her shoes on her feet, she continued to look for....something. I now try to always make sure her shoes are right beside her bed so that she will see them the first thing as she gets up.
I have always been very close to my mother. She was always a gentle, loving, sweet woman. Her children were her life. I heard her say that so many times "My children are my life". And she meant it too. She had a rough life, being married to my father. He was as opposite to her as anyone could be....gruff, loud, obnoxious, alcholic, swore constantly, crude....but they stayed together for 52 years because she did not believe in divorce...no matter what.
This blog will chronicle the last journey that my mom and I will take together....at least in this life. As a Christian, I know that one day I will see "her" again....the "real" person. The one that is slowly slipping away from us. I just need to learn to embrace and cherish those rare occasions when I am blessed to have my mother here with me...even for a moment.
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