This Is Hard

Wow...I never imagined how hard this could be. To be the parent to your parent....just the thought is kind of mind boggling. The last couple of weeks have been a real challenge. We had an appointment with her doctor...but...unfortunately...things have not been magically made perfect. In fact, if anything, things have become even worse.
I'm not doctor, but I don't understand the concept of putting a frail, 100 lb woman on some sort of psytrophic/psychotic drug (even at a low dose) in order to control her agitation and aggression. I guess that worked, but the trade off is very definately not worth it. You end up with an adult baby who is in danger of falling and breaking one of her brittle bones every time she may be able to get up without assistance. It just takes away everything/all that the person is or has left of themselves. Just awful.
Not to mention all the physical problems associated. The constant diarrhea (at least in this case). Now, to the young and very old, that is an extremely scary thing. Doesn't take long to become dehydrated and to get all the vital electrolytes off kilter. And....what do you do...if she's having diarrhea...do you still give the lasix and potassium??? She's already losing too much fluids as it is. Pretty scary situation.
We stopped this particular drug (Resperidone O..25 mg) because that was the change made before all this started. Her Trazadone was increased to 100 mg at bedtime, which I think was definately a good thing. Before the increase, she would go to sleep readily afte taking the medicine, but would be awake again after a couple of hours. And...she wasn't waking up on the "right" side of the bed, if you know what I mean. So, after that increase, she slept through the night (which means I got to sleep too...yay!)
After stopping the Resperidone, the doc has now put her on Seroquel, which is an antidepressant (?) and used to treat bipolar disease. It cost 170-something dollars for a month's supply, but we went ahead and got it anyway to see if it would work for her. Unfortunately, the diarrhea has not ceased! She's been drinking Pedialite pretty well, and I'm trying to give her lots of fluids. She's eating about half a banana every morning (I have to cut it up and feed it to her). Since she's been here, she is rarely feeding herself (will occasionally pick up the fork, but not often). She's so weak, unsteady (of course, was that a bit anyway).
That's another pet peeve of mine. They want her to take Aricept at a cost of $300. a month, and the Seroquel is $170...not to mention her other meds (which aren't that many, and she's been taking them for a while now). Also, they are generic and don't have the big price tag either. She only gets social security and that's it. If she were to buy the drugs they want her to take, then she would only have a little over $100. a month for getting attends, Boost...and all other personal things that she needs. Thank goodness she doesn't have any bills, because how in the world would she be able to make it?? It's not the money....if she had it...and I knew they would help her quality of life...then I wouldn't mind paying it...but that's just not the case. Her quality of life is definately not better. If anything...it's worse.
I have suggested either Ativan or Xanax...just something that I can give her when she gets wound up and agitated and aggressive. The rest of the time I would rather see her still being able to feed herself, to go to the bathroom (or at least be able to let me know she needs to go and needs help). For some reason they don't want to do that. I have no idea why.
We go back in a couple of week. In the meantime, as of today, we are going to start back at ground zero. I'm only going to give her what she was taking when she got here. Yes, she's gonna be a pill, and be agitated and sometimes downright mean...but...I fear that the diarrhea is going to kill her off anyway if it doesn't cease. I have given her a bit of Imodium, but it hasn't seemed to help much.
So...we struggle to come to some sort of balance. I want to care for her in the best way that I know how. It's sad...because I know that she won't ever get better...but will very definately be getting worse...much worse. But if I can make her final time here on earth a happy one, then I want to do that for her.
No matter what.